Joy has a story that truly shows what it means to help a friend in need...actually even strangers helped...which is a perfect example of paying it forward! This story really shows what a difference people can make in other people's lives. Instead of Vicky feeling alone and overwhelmed...she was lifted up by the wings of the angels that surrounded her! It is a beautiful story....
Vicki’s Journey
My story begins with two people, Vicki and Rick. This story is one of supreme courage, sorrow, love and community spirit like none I have ever witnessed nor been a part of before. It involves some old friends, some new friends, a neighborhood and some random good Samaritans.
Vicki and Rick at this point in time had been married 32 years. They had a son who was married with a year old granddaughter and a daughter who was engaged to be married in the spring of 2011. Things were going along just fine until the day Rick went to his annual physical after the holidays last year. His thyroid cancer had returned and had metastasized throughout his body, including his brain. He was told that he had only six months to live unless he got into a clinical trial.
The next couple months were spent trying to get him into a trial. They were having problems doing so because of the thyroid cancer and prostate cancer he had previously had. He had fought both those cancers successfully and had been declared cancer free three years prior.
He never did get into a trial and two months of treatment was wasted trying to get him into one. Finally the doctors decided to try a drug that has been successful with kidney cancer patients to see how Rick reacted to it. It was mid-February and hope was running out and they were about ready to call hospice and then things turned around. He was receiving the cancer drug and doing radiation treatments every day for two weeks. For the duration of those treatments I rounded up friends and neighbors to provide dinners for them so that when they returned from a long arduous day of treatments, preparing food would be the last of their worries.
During this time period they had returned from treatment one day and stopped at the local Starbucks. When leaving, they had gotten into their car and this random older black gentleman drove up next to them and motioned for Rick to roll down his window. He did so and the gentleman said, “Have a blessed day. You have been healed.” At the next visit to the hospital, it was determined that the cancer in his brain was shrinking and things were beginning to look up. Rick was even able to drive the car again for short distances. This gave us all hope that there was something to what this man had said.
Here is an example of how Rick had such a positive outlook. When he was done with the radiation treatments he had lost all of his hair. But instead of sulking about it, he played with it. He took a picture of himself acting like Mini Me from Austin Powers and uploaded it to Facebook for all his friends to see.
Below is a Collection of Photos of Vicki's Very Own Angels
About this time, Debbie and I took Vicki out for dinner one evening and she was talking about how much work there was to be done in the yard and how she didn’t know how she was going to get it done. Deb and I offered to get some people together and do their mulching and spring cleaning so that she and Rick would not be have to worry about it. We told her we wanted them to be able to spend some time on the porch just drinking their coffee and watching the birds and spending time together. She said there was no way that Rick would ever let us do that. But we told her we weren’t taking no for an answer!
Debbie and I put together a group of friends and neighbors to do their spring cleaning. There were about ten of us there. We weeded and cut back plants and mulched all the beds. We mowed and edged. Even when it started raining we were not deterred. When the rain got to be too much we went inside and helped to clear out the attic, the basement and a couple guest rooms. We were able to finish the entire yard that weekend.
Once things started improving, Rick realized that he was not going to be able to go back to work and soon his short term disability was going to run out. He needed to go on long term disability and he and Vicki made the decision that they should sell their house and move. There were so many people that helped them to pack up everything so that Vicki could spend her time caring for Rick.
The part that really warmed me inside was that there was this young couple that lives in the neighborhood that none of us knew. One day the wife was walking by and Vicki happened to be planting flowers out front. The woman make a remark about how much she and her husband loved Vicki’s house and that they had planned on knocking on their door one day to see if they could buy it. Much to her surprise, Vicki told her that the house was going to be on the market in a couple weeks. Vicki told her their story and the woman said they would come help with the spring clean up. On the day of clean up, she was walking by and remembered what Vicki had told her. She went home and got her husband. Here was this man none of us had ever met and he came and worked alongside us until that job was done. He came back on Sunday as well. I was so moved by his generosity. How awesome to help a neighbor in need! It made me realize that there are still good people in this world.
Unfortunately that couple was not able to buy the house due to the fact that they bought their townhouse at the height of the real estate market.
There were many times when Vicki just needed a hand and there was always someone there willing to help out. I remember on one occasion she called me all out of sorts and I told her, “Just tell me what you need done and I’m there.” She was trying to power wash her deck and didn’t have time so I went up and did it for her. On another occasion Rick needed help balancing his pool and Mike came to his rescue. Once we finished doing the spring cleaning on the yard, Deb and her husband Jim took over weekly maintenance for Vicki and Rick.
Things looked promising for awhile but then in May took a turn for the worse. Rick had a series of mini strokes and things started going downhill from there. He was taken off the cancer treatment therapy because the doctors felt that it could be causing the strokes.
Their daughter was to be married on May 22. Early on there had been talk of postponing the wedding or doing something simple ahead of time but Rick said that Ali was to keep that wedding date and he planned on being there. He was so determined to be there and it seemed that that would be no problem until the stroke issue arose. It was touch and go . . . but he made it and managed to walk her down the aisle as well. He was extremely tired and only able to be there for the ceremony and first dance. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place.
At this point Rick was really starting to become exhausted easily. He was disoriented and forgetful. The doctors put him back on the cancer medicine just in order to relieve some of the pressure in the brain and we all prayed that he wouldn’t have any more strokes. Vicki was starting to be overwhelmed at this point so I got the troops in gear again and we provided meals for the next seven weeks until he went to the hospice house. They said this was such a godsend to them, to not have to worry about dinner.
The house was on the market for about a week when it sold. I tell everyone that I think divine intervention played a key role. In this housing market, what house sells in a week??? No others in our neighborhood have done so!
During the whole time that this was going on, all Rick could focus on was Vicki. Until the end he would text me or call me and ask me please call and see how Vicki is doing. I told him he did not have to worry that she would be looked after. He never sat down until he was overcome with exhaustion. Every waking moment was about taking care of Vicki for the future. I wish that they could have just spent some quality time together . . . but that is not Rick. He knew he only had a little time to get everything in order for Vicki.
The night before he went into hospice I provided the final meal. I was so happy that I did as I was able to go in and have my last visit with Rick. He was so thin and frail but still trying to do it all on his own. He was sitting in a chair eating some fruit and asked me to sit down on his bed. I didn’t want to and said I was fine standing, but he took my hand and forced me to sit and then wanted to know how I had been, what I had been doing. It was never about him. We talked for a little while but he was getting tired and I didn’t want to push it. I was able to tell him I loved him and that was our goodbye.
Thankfully Deb had been through Hospice on several occasions with her family and was vital in helping Vicki navigate that venue. She was there for the initial meeting and to guide her along the way. I know that was one of the biggest gestures for her because she was trying so hard to do it all herself and not to let anyone know he was as bad off as he was. Rick was in the hospice house for nine long days. Vicki only left his side three times in order to shower and then returned immediately. The hospice nurse said that she felt that Rick had some unresolved issued that was keeping him here. I asked Vicki if she had told him that it was okay for him to go home and she said she had tried, but it didn’t come out exactly like that but that Rick knew it was okay.
Since the house had sold, Vicki had until July 31 to move out. Being that she was at the hospice house 24/7 she couldn’t pack. So family and friends came in and packed everything in the house. Three of them were there on July 16 and had finished packing all they could. (They still had to leave her things to cook with, etc.) and had cleaned everything up. They said they sat down on the porch to relax and three minutes later the phone rang with the news that Rick had just passed away. It was as though he knew that now everything that could be done for Vicki had been done and it was okay for him to go.
The last thing Rick said to Vicki was, “I’m so sorry I’m leaving you.” That’s just another example of how it was always about her. He knew how badly she was going to miss him.
The funeral was standing room only. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend as the funeral was held on the first day of the GT and I had left for a cross country road trip with my son and his friend on July 9. My husband was there and said there was a reception afterwards and you couldn’t even move there were so many people.
Vicki was just devastated. They were one of these couples that just did so much together. She had been married to him for 33 years . . . and thankfully they were able to celebrate that occasion in June. She was 19 when they married and always had depended on him and he had always taken care of her. Not that she wasn’t capable, she just never had to be. Now she has been thrust into the position of making all these decisions and having to have them carried out. But even with Rick gone, we are all still there for her. We help with what we can, are a shoulder to cry on and try to keep her busy enough that she’s not constantly thinking about it.
We recently took a trip to Maine. The “new” group of friends as I refer to us went along and stayed at our friend’s camp on Lake Kezar. Vicki and Rick had traveled to Maine to this camp every summer for 20 years and it was one of his favorite places on earth. So Vicki felt it appropriate to spread some of his ashes there. He loved hiking the mountains so that is what we did. We hiked up Mount Sabbatus and held our own memorial service there. Vicki read a passage from the funeral and then played the song Remember Me as she tossed the ashes. We each had our own time to grieve and then we put on some happier music that Rick likes and danced on the mountaintop. It was such a moving experience and I was so honored to be included . . . especially since I hadn’t been able to attend the funeral . . . this was my final tribute to Rick.
As we were sitting there remembering Rick, Vicki made the comment that she wished he could just text her or something and let her know he was out there. Immediately thereafter, a boom that sounded like a canon came from the valley. We talked some more and she said that she just wanted one more hug from him. We talked about what a great hugger he was and then an eagle flew past us and turned around and flew past us again and then headed into the clouds. We watched him for as far as we could see him. We all felt like Rick had been there with us. Once we could see him no more we looked up and there was a rainbow around the sun. There had been no rain in days! I can’t even begin to relay the magnitude of this experience. It was as though he was there with us as we remembered him. We all then wrote a note to Rick and put it into a bottle that we plan to open together in five years. The weekend was just perfect . . . perfect weather . . . perfect company . . . and a perfect memorial service!
Vicki is doing her best and tries to keep busy. We are all still there for her . . . planning girls’ nights out or just being a soft place to fall. Some of us have helped her paint her new place. Did I mention that everyone pitched in with the actual move??? I know she told me there are days that she doesn’t want to go on. But when she gets down like that, we just talk her through it.
Isn't this amazing...
I just think of how hard it would have
been for Vicki~to go through~without the
GiFt of LoVe...
what a blessing it is!
FRIENDS ARE THE GREATEST GIFT FROM GOD!!! :)
